They are both in the 5% percentile on the weight-for-age scale.
Fuck!
We went to the pediatrician yesterday and Hunter weights 12 lbs. & 11 ounces and is 26 ½ inches long. He is in the 85% percentile for height, but only the 5th for his weight. They told me he was scrawny and they were borderline concerned. Jeez, I gave birth to a toothpick!
He feeds on demand and we have supplemented breast milk with formula since his first pediatrician visit. I have struggled for weeks with the whole breastfeeding issue. When you breastfeed there is no way of knowing how much your child is getting (a boob-guage would be so helpful!). So they tell you as long as they are having a sufficient number of wet diapers, then that can be your gauge. Well Hunter has plenty. He’s not fussy and he hardly ever cries. He’s a happy kid, certainly not the picture of starvation:
It seems my milk started dwindling when we all got sick. And I have really been struggling ever since.
I have to agree with whorl: “Breastfeeding is hard.”
I am really struggling with this. On the downside, I am always lugging the pump and whatnot in and out of work. Yesterday I forgot the cord at work so I had to use the battery adapter. Today I forgot the shields at home so I had to go home to pump. Luckily I live close to work. Last week was a budget review week and the meetings everyday completely interfered with my pumping schedule. It takes twice as much time to pump and feed than it does just to feed directly from your breast. I know this sounds like an easily remedied fix – just feed the kid. But the schedule he eats on (yes, that oh so successful schedule) means he eats at daycare between 4:30 and 5 and I don’t pick him up until 5:30. Then I go home and have to pump.
Recently I have asked them to hold off on his 5 o’clock feeding so I can feed him at home. Egads! It’s all my fault his is “scrawny”. I was trying to increase my milk. I really think (and hope) he gets more milk when he breastfeeds than I get when I pump.
There are so many upsides: a bazillion studies that show breastfeeding is better for children. Okay, there’s a hundred and one anyway. Things like: the development of your child’s immune system, it’s the perfect nutrition (even tho’ they want to you give your kids vitamins if he’s not getting formula – whatever!), it protects against a butt-load of diseases later in life, helps satisfy the baby’s emotional needs and increases bonding between Mom and baby, it (is supposed to) lower the risk of ear infections (Hunter currently has one – wtf), it lowers the risk of obesity (hey, I got that on covered – HA) and reason number 101 – it’s what breasts were designed for. And frankly these DD’s would really annoy me if I wasn’t getting some use out of them.
I don’t know why I feel it has to be all or nothing. I think I am afraid my milk will go completely away and the thought of not breastfeeding anymore makes me sad. I love looking down at him while he’s eating. There is nothing like that little smile with milk coming out of the corner of his mouth – I don’t think I can describe the feeling.
So many emotions are swirling through my head lately it’s making me grumpy. I feel guilty because I think it’s so hard and time consuming. I’m full of love looking down at Hunter and I love spending the time with him, one on one. I get frustrated at the amount of mile and that frustration is bad for pumping. Lack of control over the situation (this one is big, big, BIG for me).
I feel like I have to do something different, especially now with his weight being an issue, but I just can’t bring myself to say “okay, no more breastfeeding”. I tear up just thinking about it. I want so badly to do what’s best for Hunter, but unfortunately there is no magic answer.
I’m sorry this is so long. As you can see, I am all over the place with this.
…sigh…
